It’s not just you. Nor is it any imperfection. It’s only natural. To be human is to suffer. Getting fired. Breaking up with your long-term partner. Letting down your children. Suffering heavy losses in business. The emotional trauma can get unbearable.
But it does get better.
Sooner or later, we do grow out of these situations.
You get a better job. Find someone more suitable or learn to be happy by yourself. Become a better parent. And make hefty returns on your investments.
But sometimes, the trauma stays long after the event itself. And it sucks.
Do you know what sucks even more?
Having to deal with crappy casual suggestions like, “buckle up!” “don’t be like this,” “get busy,” and my favorite, “give it time.”
Does Time Heal All the Wounds All the Time
When you are trying to deal with trauma, it is going to take time. Sure. But that doesn’t mean time alone will always do the trick.
You know what I’m talking about, don’t you?
Sometimes, no matter how much time pass, the pain stays fresh. Just like it is happening right at the moment. In the world moving so fast, you feel frozen in time. You feel left behind — you feel left alone.
It feels like a nightmare.
But you and I both know it’s not.
And that makes it even worse.
You can’t wake up and get away from it. It means, unlike what your well-wishers had been saying, you can’t just will your way out of it.
And the absolute worst part about it is that the people who genuinely feel and care for you won’t know how it feels to be in your shoes filled with shrapnels.
Or maybe, they are the very people who put you there in the first place.
So you are all you got. Or you can call for professional help (highly recommended).
But, in case; you want to turn it around by yourself (first), it will require you to make some fundamental changes to how you process your emotions and interact with your surroundings.
This brings us to the most important piece of question.
Do You Really Want To Heal
Most people who don’t heal don’t really want to get better. They only want to go back to the familiar comfort of how things used to be.
If that’s you, let’s get it straight. You are not going back to the good old days, if they ever existed, to begin with. You can’t change the reality no matter how hard you try or how hard you cry.
It means when you come out on the other side, it will be a different version of you. And you get to decide what would that look like,
- a broken individual trying to cling to a past that doesn’t exist anymore
- or a healed soul ready to roll with whatever life throws at you
It’s your intent that will set the tone for your future actions.
Someone who enjoys their victimhood will spend their lifetime trying to gain sympathy and attention. On the other hand, those who opt for a healthier life will strive to evolve stronger and wiser.
What’s the main difference between these two groups of people?
The former group buys into the notion that their past determines their present and, by extension, their future. However, they skip the part that their behavior and actions can make as much of a difference.
As Amy Morin, psychotherapist, international bestselling mental strength author, quotes while talking about individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, and stress-related issues:
Rather than controlling their emotions, they’re always trying to control the environment.
There’s little to no hope of surviving your emotional trauma if you don’t intend to do so. Once you choose to focus on solutions instead of feeding your misery, things will get far more easier.
Are You in a Place You Don’t Want To Be? Here’s What To Do
Accept, accept, and accept.
No. I didn’t just repeat it thrice for the dramatic effect. To ease your pain, you must first learn to accept these things.
- Accept people for who they are: You can’t change someone. Trying to do so will only cause distress for both parties involved. If you can’t accept people for who they are, it’s okay to wish them the best and let them go.
- Accept situations for what they are: There are problems you can solve. There are problems you can’t solve. And some problems aren’t worth solving at all. The key is to know which is which.
- Accept yourself with all your imperfections: As human beings, we should desire a better life by being the better versions of ourselves. But no matter how hard you try, you can’t control everything around you. So instead of feeling guilty, why not start enjoying your eccentricities?
What happens when you start accepting things for what they are instead of trying to bend them into how they should be? You remove the knots of pressure from your gut that had been weighing you down for so long.
But that’s not it. There’s one more thing you need to accept.
How To Survive Negative Experiences
Growing up, we learn to expect only the best out of life. And when it comes to negative experiences, we do everything in our power to avoid them.
How does it end up?
In an attempt to avoid pain, we almost always end up making our lives all the more painful — even more so than the experience we were trying to evade.
The thing about life is that it doesn’t come up with any pre-written script. (And even if it does, we don’t have access to those confidential celestial files.)
So you can’t avoid the hardships of life.
Struggles, losses, failures, rejections, and betrayal are all natural parts of it.
Most importantly, it is what it is, and LOA won’t help you manipulate it into what you will like it to be.
That’s why it is crucial to be reasonable and process negative experiences and feelings instead of trying to hide from them.
But you can’t do that if you don’t verify this.
Are You Getting in Your Own Way
One’s obsession with positive outcomes can’t exist in a vacuum.
It is often the product of unbridled entitlement.
When you desire a specific thing to go a certain way or someone to act in your best interest, you impose your own priorities over anything else. That’s why when things don’t go your way, it pisses you off.
If you truly want to heal and don’t want to receive further emotional trauma, you have to leave this mindset behind.
Here’s the truth. You are not that important to others around you.
Just as you are entitled to pursue what is best for you, so do others.
Just like you, they are the protagonists of their own stories, and you are nothing but a minor supporting character.
So when someone you love hurts you, leaves you, or accuses you of things you never did, it’s not always about you. It’s about them.
Here, being egoistic and trying to take center stage is the last thing you will want to do.
So what to do?
Remove your sense of self-importance from the equation altogether.
Not only will it help you to see things with objectivity and lessen your trauma, but it will help you understand others better.
As I said earlier, you can’t just shrug off those feelings. It is a far better option to follow those emotions and rebuild what’s broken.
Yes. It will be painful. But five years along the road, you will be grateful you have taken these steps.